party on the rooftop!

i realized the other day that i am basically basing my expectations of having roommates on two things: octopus pie and the young ones.

this will be an interesting adventure. ♥

at the pianola.

i have had the past three days off of work. originally, it was only supposed to be today and yesterday, but monday night i started getting really sick and by tuesday morning i was in no condition to go in so voila. instant three-day break. i really needed it anyway. it has been awful lately. there is too much to do and no one around to do it and the hours seem never ending and my friend zach quit and moved to green valley so it's all very bleak and sad and all that. but it beats the alternative i suppose. at the very least i'm doing something productive, even if it is, at times, a bit soul crushing. i am truly living the american dream.

the restlessness continues. big surprise, i'm sure. i continue to feel very "bird trapped in a small cage" even though i have an exit strategy [or several] in the works. it can never come fast enough. i hate the waiting. i feel like all i've been doing all my life is waiting. it's like that jawbreaker song. sit and stare, it's all we do. all my friends are broken too. we're just waiting. waiting to begin... the problem is that it seems very much like a problem i should be having at around age nineteen, not twenty-two. woefully behind! it's the story of my life. the good news is that i'm not nineteen, so i'm not really angsty-sad about it. that would be majorly annoying. i'm just frustrated and restless. that is slightly less annoying. which is better for the audience, don't you know.

in other news, i cannot stop drinking tea. this afternoon i listened to classical music, read my italy 2008 travel book from the library, and drank an entire pot of tea. it was awesome. i felt about sixty years old. i'm rather looking forward to being old one day. i feel as though i'd do a lot of the things that i do now but i wouldn't give a fuck as much. this can only be a good thing. in other news, i have had writing ideas lately and actually wrote them down so i wouldn't forget them. and all i keep doing is advancing the plots and working out characterizations and all that in my head. it's a shame that they're all centered around silly topics! oh well. it's a fun distraction, and any writing is good writing in my book. who knows, maybe one day there will be some insufferable novel floating around out there with my name on it. and i will say, it all started on blogger, reading public. blame them, not me.

terminal.

so a lot of things are happening to me right now! the most important thing is that i am not renewing my lease. i'm pretty bummed, i won't lie. but it is just the right thing to do. i have no connection to this area of town anymore. i am a fifteen minute walk to campus but if i'm not taking classes [hint: i'm not going to be taking any classes], what is the advantage of that? my job is on the north side and although it's far from ideal, it's steady and decent money and i don't know where else i would work. i have no connections or friends who live downtown once evan moves [and i never saw him anyway]. it doesn't make sense in the long run, even though my little apartment is pretty much perfect for me in every way [except for the thin walls and the sudden appearance of weak, angry pipes]. additionally? signing a lease for another year would anchor me in tucson for another year. and that is...not okay. i'm getting restless. it's actually beyond that; i am restless, it just continues to get worse. giving up my house means one less thing keeping me here. if an opportunity comes up, i have very little holding me back. and i will be saving a metric ton of money, which i can put toward the thing that i really want to do: traveling. i don't know. i have a lot of things that i am thinking about, and a lot of things that i am planning right now. all of them have become instantly much more attainable once i decided this. i know that i have been changing plans constantly for about six months now, but this is one decision, one plan that seems completely reasonable and mature and holy crap adult, you know? i mean, i looked at a situation, realized that although it was comfortable and fun, it wasn't going to work out in the long run and i changed it. and this is me we're talking about. how about that. but seriously, i need to have at least one more party at my house before i move out in july! the domo-kun pinata will now be symbolic of the breaking open of my life! not really.

although. i don't know. i feel like something inside of me has changed this week. there's the stuff in the above jumbled paragraph. but then i also chopped a bunch of my hair off, which is a small thing but something that i have always been sort of afraid of doing. there are other things. but i don't know. i just feel different this week. i feel like my whole outlook on life and myself and all that has changed and i am really hoping that this isn't just like, a one am revelation that fades once it's morning. hmm. i guess only time will tell.

anyway! this entry seems heavy so i will now break it up the only way i know how: video share! so in the last episode of hetalia [i know, i know], italy squishes a kitten's paw repeatedly. and it is like, the most adorable, hilarious thing i have ever seen. i wish i could share it! but the video isn't loading. sadface. so here is a scene from bedknobs and broomsticks instead.

friday nights at the drive-in bingo.

i feel like i just wrote an entry in here and yet it has been almost two months since i last wrote! how has everyone been coping with this fact? i imagine babies crying, national days of mourning, and newspaper headlines asking, "where oh where is our dose of robyn-soaked mediocrity?" here is your answer!

the problem is that i always forget about what happened to me during long absences. i look back on however long it's been and it's just this long, jumbled mass of late nights at work and driving places and studying math and like, watering my plants or making my bed a lot and i'm like, wow, i am a boring person. but i do remember that my car got broken into since i last wrote! i woke up one morning to my landlady telling me that my side window had been smashed in and there was glass all over the ground. luckily, they didn't take anything; i think that they thought that the emergency kit i keep in my car was a laptop case. not so much! but it's all fixed now and we have a light in the parking area to scare away any wandering, shifty people now. the end!

what else. i need to get another job. again. i am probably starting pima culinary school in the fall. i want to make a thousand tiny cakes in my badass 4.5-inch springform pan. i am growing italian herbs, tomatoes, and jalapenos in my window. i love stats. i have been randomly getting into scandanavian bands lately. equally randomly, i started teaching myself dutch on byki. goede avond! i will also be starting french in the fall because a. i have always wanted to learn french, and b. it is helpful if you want to get into baking, which i do. i also want to have a pizza, wine, and black books night which should end with the breaking of the domo-kun pinata so we can all laugh and partake in probably stale halloween candy. sounds awesome, yes? although i will have to wait until it is air conditioner season so i won't worry about noise in my paper thin-walled house. lamexcore. did you know that horseshoes is a gentleman's sport? i do now, thanks to the bastards behind me who play all the damned time! i can hear their entire, boring conversations in my bedroom! it is awesome, especially when it is one am and i am trying to sleep. oh college neighborhoods.

now i have to go to work so goede avond for reals this time.

something to talk about.

i really love badly drawn boy. the soundtrack to about a boy is one of the best soundtracks ever and it just makes me want to wear a track jacket and walk around a city park with a lake. specific! but true. it also now reminds me of being in seattle and eating at a taco time that randomly played a bunch of his songs. amazing. fyi: taco time will taste the same whether you are six or twenty-two: DELICIOUS.

the up-and-downs continue for me. yesterday was a bad day! but today feels better. mostly everything is tied to what i'm doing with my life right now. in one week i have: decided that i want to go to culinary school, got really excited about culinary school, realized that culinary was way too expensive, got really sad about culinary school, re-looked at pima, decided that i could go to culinary school through pima, got really excited about culinary school again, started feeling weird about not getting a 'traditional' education, looked at ua again, hated it again, started thinking about canada, looked at the other ua [university of alberta!], fell in love with it, realized that it would also be way too expensive unless i was canadian or had dual citizenship [if only my dad had lived there longer, the jerk], looked at summer courses at arizona ua again, and randomly found four i wanted to take. it's a little...well, insane, really. i just don't know what i really want to do right now. i knew what i wanted to do, and i had it planned out to the semester, but then i ended up really hating it at ua. i think what i am going to do is just go to summer school and use it as a litmus test. if summer school goes really well, then i will keep going on the path i wanted to go on before everything got de-railed, but at an accelerated pace and more simplified [no double and triple majors, jesus, self] so i can get through it faster. then after i go to japan for a year [waseda daigakusei ni naritai yo!] i will graduate! all the while, i will be taking sporadic culinary classes so theoretically, when i graduate from ua, i will also be graduating from pima's culinary program! however, if summer school goes badly, then it's straight to culinary school i guess! i am hoping to get a lot of scholarships so i can help my parents get through all these schemes in one piece. but that is my plan for right now. it will probably change in an hour and i will decide that my true calling is rock climbing. but it really helped to write that out so thanks, blogger!

that is probably more than enough for now so i will shut it. good luck at your circus, bree and steph!

pastaaa!

so. i have this secret love. and its name is axis power hetalia. and i am going to talk about it now because it's...pretty awesome. it's about...well, here is how some random person on the internetz described it:

Axis Powers Hetalia is basically a webcomic-turned-manga-turned-anime about the world's countries turned into bishonen and left to play out World History, cracky boys' love style. All the countries have their intense stereotypes (Canada covers everything in maple syrup, Russia's snow-crazy, and America loves pizza). Countries merging mean a marriage, alliances (usually) mean a relationship, countries splitting are a divorce.

do you see why i love it so much? bl and history put together, what more do i need. it's basically the nerdiest thing ever and i only understand what's going on like a third of the time but it's fantastic. the stereotypes really are ridiculous but it's just too funny to really care about. the history part is a little more bothersome to me because at times you feel like a lot of these really serious events are being totally trivialized and glossed over in a major, not-so-good way. i mean, it sort of goes against western [and especially american] thought to be suddenly presented with chibi versions of the axis powers. i think in the end it's one of those things where everybody's being made fun of and stereotyped so it's okay-ish and america just put a hamburger on his head so it's all good.

so! after that whole thing, in case anyone is interested, these three are good web comics to start with [russia is awesome], and here is where you can watch the episodes online. there's only three so far and they're only five minutes long! the end song is way catchy. and now i am watching the first episode again and it is making me wonder if i am just crazy for loving this the way i do. ah well. let's have a toast with our boots!

when i last spoke to carol.

i feel like i haven't updated in forever, mostly because i sort of haven't. december was a busy month filled with lots of working and dealing with my cousin and living my life in both my parents' house and my house and then going to seattle, which was so, so fantastic and needed and lovely, and then january was all coming home and jumping back into school and work and basically living out the life of a typical twenty-two-year-old, or trying to, i guess.

actually, 'trying to' is the perfect way to describe it. lately i feel very...poorly held together, let's say. like i've been taped together but the tape's getting kind of stretched out and not sticking all that well and everything is about a good push away from falling apart. i always hesitate when i start to write entries like these because i've been traumatized by past blogs wherein i wrote long entries talking about my issues and feelings and other crap like that in a way that i thought was tasteful and not looking for attention, when really they were whiny and melodramatic and purple prose-y. also i have a tendency of going through the same cycles of problems over and over again without any real resolution and that gets old so. you know. i have just sort of stopped writing regularly over the years. the jury's out on whether it's been good or bad for my head. probably the latter but c'est la vie.

but with all that said. lately i've been all over the place. the ups are good but the downs are crushing and i have vague ideas of what i can do about it all but usually i just press on and walk to class or drive to work or sweep the front porch and play morrissey a little more frequently and hope that the next day will be better. the anne shirley way, more or less. it just gets old sometimes. and there's a lot more to it but for tonight i'll just leave it here because i'm getting tired and i should probably read about queen anne and her dozens of miscarriages before i go to sleep. quelle excitement.