when i last spoke to carol.

i feel like i haven't updated in forever, mostly because i sort of haven't. december was a busy month filled with lots of working and dealing with my cousin and living my life in both my parents' house and my house and then going to seattle, which was so, so fantastic and needed and lovely, and then january was all coming home and jumping back into school and work and basically living out the life of a typical twenty-two-year-old, or trying to, i guess.

actually, 'trying to' is the perfect way to describe it. lately i feel very...poorly held together, let's say. like i've been taped together but the tape's getting kind of stretched out and not sticking all that well and everything is about a good push away from falling apart. i always hesitate when i start to write entries like these because i've been traumatized by past blogs wherein i wrote long entries talking about my issues and feelings and other crap like that in a way that i thought was tasteful and not looking for attention, when really they were whiny and melodramatic and purple prose-y. also i have a tendency of going through the same cycles of problems over and over again without any real resolution and that gets old so. you know. i have just sort of stopped writing regularly over the years. the jury's out on whether it's been good or bad for my head. probably the latter but c'est la vie.

but with all that said. lately i've been all over the place. the ups are good but the downs are crushing and i have vague ideas of what i can do about it all but usually i just press on and walk to class or drive to work or sweep the front porch and play morrissey a little more frequently and hope that the next day will be better. the anne shirley way, more or less. it just gets old sometimes. and there's a lot more to it but for tonight i'll just leave it here because i'm getting tired and i should probably read about queen anne and her dozens of miscarriages before i go to sleep. quelle excitement.